Flowless

Hey guys,

I know it’s been over a month since I’ve been around, and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t bear being here any more. I’ve lost my flow; I can’t seem to write anything proper down any more, so I decided to isolate myself a little, hoping it will come back in time. No luck so far.

The main reason I’m feeling so off is the job. I hate it. It’s so boring that it’s been killing me from the inside, turning me into some kind of zombie. Haven’t eaten any brains so far though, but who knows what lies ahead! Obviously, feeling like this isn’t helping anything in my personal life either. And if you can’t come home to something good after another awful day… Well, you can probably fill that in all by yourselves.

So here I am, stuck in a place I don’t want to be, both literally and figuratively.

I’ve been on the lookout for another job for a while now, but there isn’t all that much available that matches my qualifications. It’s all IT and marketing, and that’s really not my cup of tea. I guess I’ll just have to be patient, and hope my brain cells won’t die off by the time I find something else. But until then… Well, let me illustrate what’s happening to my brains currently:

Apoptosis & Necrosis

Yep, they are both being killed and killing themselves. Source: Stahl’s Essential Psychopharmacology. Neuroscientific Basis and Practical Applications – Third Edition – Written by Stephen M. Stahl.

This page is from a textbook I used during my final year of Biological and Cognitive Psychology, and it’s by far my favourite textbook of all time. Can you guess why?

Anyway… That’s all for now. I don’t know if I’ll be back any time soon, so let me finish this one by saying… I miss you guys.

Until… Whenever, if ever.

Love,

ML-X

Monday Motivation

image

Just wanted to share my motivation for today with you guys :)

I totally forgot to tell you how lovely the last 2 weeks had been; big bad R. was on holiday! And work has never been so much fun. But as of today he’s back and ruining everybody’s mood again. Hence the reminder to use those muscles wisely!

There’s a story to the sparrow in the pic too; here in the Netherlands, there’s a saying “iemand blij maken met een dode mus”. Literally translated it means “to make somebody happy with a dead sparrow”, meaning… Putting something awesome in prospect, which turns out to be a huge disappointment (a.k.a. the dead sparrow). However, when you mix up the saying, you end up killing somebody with a happy sparrow. This once happened during lunch break (mixing up the saying, not the actual killing ;)), and has been an inside joke between us girls. N. (the one I mentioned had a stick up her ass back when I started on the job) worked a little Paint magic, and our happy sparrow, as you can see in the pic, was born. And I couldn’t have wished for a better illustration to the text!

Now let’s hope he’ll pick up the hint… ;)

Thank you for reading :)

Love,

ML-X

Holy Mother Of Covers: III – Like A G6

I’m still in my computer-related cleanup mode, and I found more awesomeness! Perfect timing, because it’s been a while since I shared an insanely cool cover version with you all.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard:

I can rant about how much I love this version for hours, but I won’t. I love the “dark” way it sounds, and Major’s deep voice, and just the way he “simplified” the song. And of course, I love the “old-school” vibe it has to it now.

Now, let’s compare Major’s cover with the original version by Far East Movement:

I have to admit that I never disliked Far East Movement’s original version. In fact, I can honestly say that I like it. The beat is great, and it’s very dance-able, which is very important to me – an enjoyable song either has to have great lyrics, or make me cry, sing or dance.

The original also brings back some fond memories, one of which is when at a party at my former job, one of my old colleagues sincerely stated that she wasn’t drunk, but kept yelling “actin’ like they drunk!” whenever she thought it fit. This lasted for several days after said party, so I guess you can imagine how hilarious it is when you’re working and somebody goes “actin’ like they drunk!” all of a sudden. I believe that was on the last weekend me and le man went on a little trip together, which makes for the rest of the good memories. Damn, I miss those times.

So… Enough ranting. I’m not sure if I can pick a favourite here! Which one do you prefer? And why?

Thanks for reading, hope you’ve enjoyed, and I’m looking forward to your comments!

Love,

ML-X

I Should’ve Known Better

I just finished my third week at the new job, and boy, how different it’s been from the previous two! In very short: I hated it. And as you may or may not have guessed, that has something to do with R..

The big bad R. finally showed his true colours this week, and I think it’s safe to say he’s in my top 3 of “biggest assholes I’ve ever met”. Hell, he might even outgrow that category if he keeps going on like he does!

So, what did he do to deserve this not-so-honourable title? There’s a few main reasons:

#1. He’s been treating me like a two-year-old. And by that I don’t mean he’s been nice and caring like one might be towards a toddler. Nope, his demeanor is more of a “you don’t know sh*t, missy” kind of thing. And it’s not just that, but he apparently gets off on making people feel worthless. He’s the best, and you’re waaaaay down somewhere, being a nasty piece of nothingness. There’s one “positive” aspect on this one though; he doesn’t just do it to me, but even to people who’ve worked at the company for over 40 years (and thus longer than him). It’s not much of a consolation, but it helps me to not burst out in tears every time he has a fit of arrogance.

#2. He’s been falsely accusing me and one of my colleagues, V., of changing up item properties in the system. On Wednesday he just came into our office, telling us that we’d made a mistake. No big deal, we’re both pretty new so mistakes can happen, right? Upon his explanation of the mistake -we confirmed the arrival of a product with a product number that didn’t correspond with the number in the system- I was already getting pissed off. It’s the exact same thing, apart from the factory’s item number. Book it in, and get the f*ck over it!

But of course, being the over-elaborate godlike creature he thinks he is, he goes on and on and on about it, telling my colleague to look up the product in the system. When she typed in the item number, it turned out the properties were changed in an incorrect way. And that’s where the accusations start. “One of us two” had to have done it, because nobody else would, and not that many people have the authorization to do so. But guess what? Neither me nor V. know how that shit’s supposed to be changed in the first place! And he should know that, because he’s never taken the time to explain it to us in the first place. Obviously, he didn’t think of that because how could he ever be wrong, right?

At that time, I was busy putting paperwork away into a way-too-full ordner, and my hands were itching to pick it up and smack him with it. On the head. Multiple times. Instead, I smiled my sweetest smile, and simply said “You have the authorization to change properties as well, right?”. Which brings us to…

#3. He looked at me like he saw water burning, and said “You need to get your time slips signed, don’t you?”. These time slips are weekly overviews of my hours, which I have to get signed at the office, and send to the employment agency, else I don’t get my pay. He freakin’ threatened me! “Luckily, you’re not the one who has to sign them”, I said, and forced myself to keep smiling, but my blood was boiling, and I actually even picked up the ordner, weighing it in my hands. Decided to put it back in its place (which wasn’t up his ass, I guess).

Luckily for me (and for him as well, but not for V.), he left me alone after that and focussed on V. entirely. I don’t know what I would have done if he’d uttered another word to me, and I didn’t have to find out because he didn’t come close to me for the rest of that day. Still, I was beyond pissed off, and my day was ruined. I even considered not coming back the next day, but then again, that’s not an option for me now.

The next day I had cooled down somewhat, and ran into him in the mail room. He started to rant again, and at one point said something about people disliking him, raising four fingers which indicated the four “downstairs” chicks I’ve been hanging out with the whole time, as if they’re the reason I could feed him to the crocodiles. I smiled, and said “No, it’s just this”, and raised one finger, indicating him. Again, he threatened me in his subtle way, telling me I should watch out what I say and to whom I say it.

I’m not a hateful person by nature, but this man brings out the worst in me. Fortunately, a colleague of mine explained that W., the man I had my interview with and is in fact my boss, is waaay higher up in the hierarchy. However, I still don’t get why R.’s still there, since he’s nothing more than an accountant. Give me some accountancy lessons and I’ll be happy to replace! In the mean time, I’ll do my darnedest best not to walk away – it’s not my style.

Thanks for reading and commenting once again! Any ideas on how to get rid of this man are welcome, by the way ;)

Love,

ML-X

All Work And No Play

Well… I guess that’s not entirely true. Somewhere between (still getting used to) work and football, I just can’t seem to manage to write anything down these days. Despite getting off of work pretty early, I’m entirely beat when I come home, and inspiration is very hard to find. I’m hoping it’s just temporary, but I’ve toyed with the thought to give up the blog entirely.

Work in itself is fun though, and all of the foreseen problems haven’t come up (yet). In fact, I’ve even noticed that I like R., as opposed to… Well, the rest of the company. And the chick-with-the-stick has been quite okay as well.

All in all, I don’t have anything to complain (yet, haha), apart from the fact that I don’t have the mind to hang out here. And it’s not just the not writing part, but I also haven’t been reading on a daily basis. In fact, I haven’t been reading since last Sunday! My daily routine is now “get up, coffee, go to work, work, go home, eat (or not), couch yoga, sleep”, and I feel like I’m a hundred years old. I do hope it will pass soon, but until it does (or until I decide to call it quits) I hope you’ll be patient with me and my “weekends only” here.

Until then, and if nothing else, thanks for the last few months.

Love,

ML-X

A New Beginning

So… Today was my second day at my new job. And I have to say, so far, I’m enjoying it! The first day was pretty standard; meeting everybody and failing at remembering all the names and departments, getting a small tour through the company and all that. Hell, I didn’t even have a desk or PC for myself yet! In fact, they didn’t quite know what they were going to do with me, so I spent the rest of the day just looking at what another girl was doing. Today, however, was much better; I started early (7:30am), confiscated a desk/PC combo for myself and simply… Worked. Did I master what the part-time receptionist girls have been working on for the last month in just one day? Yes, I did. Yay me!

To be honest, I had expected to have a hard time learning to work with their system. I’ve worked with two different ones in my previous job, so I’ve got the basics, but I didn’t expect to encounter anything like their system: the supermegaoldschool, IBM’s MS-DOS inspired AS/400! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Goodbye tabs, goodbye overview, goodbye interpunction, goodbye colours, and hello black-and-green blast from the past. Hey, the 80’s called…

But like everything else, even this oldfashioned thing has its pro’s: the functionality is so limited, that it’s actually pretty hard to fuck something up! So I guess that’s a good thing :) Plus, the damn thing has a “reset” button. Probably just because that old stuff crashes way too much, but it’s still kind of awesome.

As for my colleagues… Well, the fifties called for most of them, if you catch my drift… But they’re fun, don’t take themselves too seriously, and of course I’m impressed by the ridiculous amounts of knowledge most of them have. So all good! Even the “downstairs” girls are okay, except for one, but she’ll have to take that stick out of her ass by herself. I’m there to work and learn, not to make friends.

Today, I did learn why people might dislike R.. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice enough guy, but seriously, I get it. After I kinda figured out their system wasn’t up to date at all (being based on, for example, purchase prices from 2005!), I proposed to enter all the new prices that we got from orderconfirmations, so that at least those things wouldn’t make a mess any more. He then spent two hours telling me exactly the same. He could have just agreed, but nooo, that would be too easy. So instead, despite telling me numerous times already that he hardly has time for his own work, he wastes more time telling me what I already know. But I’ll just keep listening, because I’ve already figured out yesterday that he knows *a lot*. And he’s willing to show me, even if it’s none of my concerns. So as long as he keeps feeding my hunger for knowledge, I’ll play along.

In short, I’m having a good time over there. And I think there’s a good chance that I’d like to spend a few years there. There is one little downside though; I’ve been “out of rhythm” for a while now, so by the time I get home, I’m dog tired! So I’m off to do some couch yoga now, but I’ll try to write (and read) as much as I can nevertheless :)

Thanks for sticking with me!

Love,

ML-X

Jobhunt: Update II

I had my second job interview last week, and it went really well. The guy I had the interview with was a lot of fun and had a sense of humor, which I can really appreciate. So I really thought I might get invited to a second interview, he was going to call me Friday to let me know. Imagine my disappointment when he didn’t call. Not on Friday, not on Monday, hell, not even Tuesday.

So far, five days have gone by, and I haven’t heard from that company. But… I’m not sure if I really mind. I was so excited about that job, but it turned out to be a lot more “sales-y” and less “consultant-y” than I originally figured. Now I do have a lot of Sales experience, but pretty much only with so-called Key Accounts. And that job was more aimed in a cold acquisition kind of direction. Not my forte. At all.

I know, maybe I should give it a try and call them, but I have this ridiculous fear of… Failing. I can’t handle not being good at things! They have sales targets, but targets scare me, and I’m worried that that might make everything even worse. Ugh… I really don’t know what to do. I mean, the company in itself sounded like a lot of fun, and so did the $$$ but… I just don’t know.

So yesterday, I’ve spent a few hours jobhunting again, but this time online through employment agencies. One of them called me straight away, and I have an appointment at the agency in two hours. I’m not quite sure what to think of it though, because I kind of disliked the woman on the phone… Why? Because she implied it was a problem that my previous job (and the job I applied for) was entirely unrelated to my training. I don’t see how being well-educated (I have a bachelor’s degree) is a problem. Especially since I got that degree in one of the most “allround” useful courses there are around (if you don’t count my senior year specialization, that is).

I’m pretty curious if she’s as unlikeable in real life. I’ll try my best to make her understand my point of view though, because to me it really makes a lot of sense to do something that seems unrelated if you don’t think about it. But that’s enough ranting for now… I still have to get ready and dressed and everything.

Thanks again for reading! Any ideas/advice/comments/anything are very welcome :)

Love,

ML-X

Post-appointment edit: I was wrong about her! She was a great help, and a lot of fun :)